An old post from an old blog
I wrote this June 19, 2019. We didn't buy the house, and now have six grandchildren. My mom passed away since this as well. So much has changed since this. Life has happened, but I still do have fond memories of my time.
It's funny how we humans see our lives. Or maybe it's just me.
I miss my girls being little, needing everything from me, coming to me to learn basic skills, and even getting the tangles out of their hair! I miss sewing their clothes and making repairs when they'd ripped something at the park. I no longer carry a needle and thread everywhere I go. I don't need it. I miss telling them to turn their heads because there's a kissing scene on the show we are watching. I miss our afternoon read alouds and going for walks in the Daniel Boone gardens. I miss picnics all the time. I miss watching them from the window when they thought I wasn't looking as they played games they made up. I miss homeschooling them. I miss long walks all over town and to the grocery store. I miss planting seeds in buckets and chasing the sun around the yard. These are things from my children's childhood and it's been gone a few years. So I've missed things for a while.
I have been a grandparent for over two years. I love watching my grandchildren discover new things. They learn how to crawl how to walk how to talk how to feed themselves and now letters and numbers . I love watching my daughters teach their babies. I love seeing the interaction my girls have with their husbands and I love seeing these young people grow as a family. It's an amazing thing to realize I'm old enough for grandchildren. We are technical empty-nesters. By that I mean we have raised our children but we have also had other people in our lives and in our home show my work has not diminished until recently.
I have gotten to know my in-laws better than most. Over a decade ago when my mother-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer it started a chain of events that led to us being caretakers for both of my in-laws at one time or another. My children got to see what life really looks like. They worked hard to care for their grandparents and for each other. They helped with their cousins who were younger than them and they picked up the slack at home when I could not be there. I miss both of my in-laws. My mother-in-law passed away eight years ago in my father-in-law passed away less than a year ago. My husband is now working. Holidays like Father's Day and Mother's Day or bitter sweet reminder of the loves that we have lost. For my children this is the natural course of things and honestly for us it is the natural course of things to lose one's parents and grandparents. But my kids were so little and they seen so much suffering yet they still love life. They've been up close and personal death and with caretaking. Now my mother lives in a nursing home and her health is not wonderful. She has dementia so sometimes she doesn't remember us. Life changes like that. She used to get my girls and drive them around and take them to go shopping and to rent videos and little picnics and go out to eat. But now she doesn't really remember either one of those girls. Well she might remember them with as little children but she doesn't know these adult women who come to see her. Sometimes she doesn't even remember me and I am her own daughter. We are always embarking on a new adventure every day.
Now that it's just me and my husband and our responsibilities are laid out a little more clearly that we literally are only responsible for one another we are on a new adventure. We're getting ready to buy house. No longer will I be a homesteader or a mini farmer. I won't have chickens I already don't have goats I won't even have cats and dogs. It will just be the two of us. And we won't live near our children any longer. I have never moved away without my children. They left our home when they married and now we will live in the house they have never lived in. I will no longer be making decisions based on their needs. I know I know already I should have not been doing that but when your children are also your neighbors sometimes you make decisions based on their needs when they have not flown far from the nest. Now Roman will not be able to come up here and say "I need breakfast" after he's eaten breakfast at home. I will no longer be Lola is constant play companion. When she wakes up from nap or when her mom is busy cooking I will no longer be here to pick her up. My silliness will have to suffice when we visit them or they visit us. But now it will involve a car ride instead of a walk. We won't be taking walks with them in the evenings any longer. But my husband will get off work and walk across the street and be home in less than one minute. He will no longer have to drive for 45 minutes to come home to a late supper. He also will no longer have to get up super early to get to work on time. He will save an hour and a half to two hours a day and I will actually be able to see him. I spent so many years doting on my children and since we homeschooled my every waking moment spent with my children until they married. But still I spent an unusual amount of time still with my children and their children given that they are married women. I would do all of this all over again. You're only given the people you're given for as long as you have them and only Yahweh determines when that is.
Yahweh constantly surprises me. My husband says "YHWH's plans are always long and we don't get to see the end of a thing sometimes, but we know he is merciful and good and we know he is faithful." We know that we should glorify him in our alarms. All the things that we have done, all the hard ache and missing our loved ones, all the late nights all the early mornings all the driving back-and-forth, all the trips to hospitals all the trips for chemotherapy, all the times we bought extra groceries or had a higher water bill or barely had elbow room because we had company- they all have been worth it. At the end of the day when we have to face our Creator we have to answer him as to what we did with what he gave us, where we good to our neighbors, did we take care that we teach our children in the way they should go did we tell him or her all of the law and instructions from YHWH himself? Did we feed the hungry and care for the poor and did we plead the case of the widows in the orphans? Did we keep ourselves untainted from the world? I don't know how I feel about this move. I feel sure that Yahweh knows what he's doing and I feel sure that my husband has chosen a good place for me and him to live. Everything about my life- the minifarm, the animals, the gardening, the children being next-door, the valley we live in being full of my husbands family cousins, aunts, uncles -all of that's going to be gone. It's going to be different. We will live less than 3 miles away from my side of the family. Life will be different. Now I don't have a job outside of home. I've been a housewife and I have been a mother and a homeschool teacher and the wife to my husband for all these years. Now I am only a housewife and wife to my husband. I have taken a little work here in there that I can do from home but it's only going to be the two of us. And he's nowhere near as messy as all the other people have been.
I miss my girls being little, needing everything from me, coming to me to learn basic skills, and even getting the tangles out of their hair! I miss sewing their clothes and making repairs when they'd ripped something at the park. I no longer carry a needle and thread everywhere I go. I don't need it. I miss telling them to turn their heads because there's a kissing scene on the show we are watching. I miss our afternoon read alouds and going for walks in the Daniel Boone gardens. I miss picnics all the time. I miss watching them from the window when they thought I wasn't looking as they played games they made up. I miss homeschooling them. I miss long walks all over town and to the grocery store. I miss planting seeds in buckets and chasing the sun around the yard. These are things from my children's childhood and it's been gone a few years. So I've missed things for a while.
I have been a grandparent for over two years. I love watching my grandchildren discover new things. They learn how to crawl how to walk how to talk how to feed themselves and now letters and numbers . I love watching my daughters teach their babies. I love seeing the interaction my girls have with their husbands and I love seeing these young people grow as a family. It's an amazing thing to realize I'm old enough for grandchildren. We are technical empty-nesters. By that I mean we have raised our children but we have also had other people in our lives and in our home show my work has not diminished until recently.
I have gotten to know my in-laws better than most. Over a decade ago when my mother-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer it started a chain of events that led to us being caretakers for both of my in-laws at one time or another. My children got to see what life really looks like. They worked hard to care for their grandparents and for each other. They helped with their cousins who were younger than them and they picked up the slack at home when I could not be there. I miss both of my in-laws. My mother-in-law passed away eight years ago in my father-in-law passed away less than a year ago. My husband is now working. Holidays like Father's Day and Mother's Day or bitter sweet reminder of the loves that we have lost. For my children this is the natural course of things and honestly for us it is the natural course of things to lose one's parents and grandparents. But my kids were so little and they seen so much suffering yet they still love life. They've been up close and personal death and with caretaking. Now my mother lives in a nursing home and her health is not wonderful. She has dementia so sometimes she doesn't remember us. Life changes like that. She used to get my girls and drive them around and take them to go shopping and to rent videos and little picnics and go out to eat. But now she doesn't really remember either one of those girls. Well she might remember them with as little children but she doesn't know these adult women who come to see her. Sometimes she doesn't even remember me and I am her own daughter. We are always embarking on a new adventure every day.
Now that it's just me and my husband and our responsibilities are laid out a little more clearly that we literally are only responsible for one another we are on a new adventure. We're getting ready to buy house. No longer will I be a homesteader or a mini farmer. I won't have chickens I already don't have goats I won't even have cats and dogs. It will just be the two of us. And we won't live near our children any longer. I have never moved away without my children. They left our home when they married and now we will live in the house they have never lived in. I will no longer be making decisions based on their needs. I know I know already I should have not been doing that but when your children are also your neighbors sometimes you make decisions based on their needs when they have not flown far from the nest. Now Roman will not be able to come up here and say "I need breakfast" after he's eaten breakfast at home. I will no longer be Lola is constant play companion. When she wakes up from nap or when her mom is busy cooking I will no longer be here to pick her up. My silliness will have to suffice when we visit them or they visit us. But now it will involve a car ride instead of a walk. We won't be taking walks with them in the evenings any longer. But my husband will get off work and walk across the street and be home in less than one minute. He will no longer have to drive for 45 minutes to come home to a late supper. He also will no longer have to get up super early to get to work on time. He will save an hour and a half to two hours a day and I will actually be able to see him. I spent so many years doting on my children and since we homeschooled my every waking moment spent with my children until they married. But still I spent an unusual amount of time still with my children and their children given that they are married women. I would do all of this all over again. You're only given the people you're given for as long as you have them and only Yahweh determines when that is.
Yahweh constantly surprises me. My husband says "YHWH's plans are always long and we don't get to see the end of a thing sometimes, but we know he is merciful and good and we know he is faithful." We know that we should glorify him in our alarms. All the things that we have done, all the hard ache and missing our loved ones, all the late nights all the early mornings all the driving back-and-forth, all the trips to hospitals all the trips for chemotherapy, all the times we bought extra groceries or had a higher water bill or barely had elbow room because we had company- they all have been worth it. At the end of the day when we have to face our Creator we have to answer him as to what we did with what he gave us, where we good to our neighbors, did we take care that we teach our children in the way they should go did we tell him or her all of the law and instructions from YHWH himself? Did we feed the hungry and care for the poor and did we plead the case of the widows in the orphans? Did we keep ourselves untainted from the world? I don't know how I feel about this move. I feel sure that Yahweh knows what he's doing and I feel sure that my husband has chosen a good place for me and him to live. Everything about my life- the minifarm, the animals, the gardening, the children being next-door, the valley we live in being full of my husbands family cousins, aunts, uncles -all of that's going to be gone. It's going to be different. We will live less than 3 miles away from my side of the family. Life will be different. Now I don't have a job outside of home. I've been a housewife and I have been a mother and a homeschool teacher and the wife to my husband for all these years. Now I am only a housewife and wife to my husband. I have taken a little work here in there that I can do from home but it's only going to be the two of us. And he's nowhere near as messy as all the other people have been.
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